There’s something about the smile I wear.
Many times I have heard many people remark about it as part of farewells when I exit a community. Each time it sounds like it is synonymous with warmth, contentment, and cheer. Now that brings a smile to my face as I write, looking and thinking back on some of those speeches.
But I digress. Or do I
My smile, you see, it says a few different things.
Sometimes it tells the world that I am loved and satisfied with being loved.
Other times it spells confidence, comfort, and safety, saying to all who care to listen that I feel safe, be it in silence or in conversation with present company.
Still other times it speaks to the discomfort I feel about what is being said or where I’m at.
Still a smile
A smile is not hard to give, at least not from me. Though easy, sometimes I withhold it when I perceive it will be misinterpreted or maybe misconstrued as flirtatious.
But sometimes I can’t help but let it take over my face, misinterpretation or not.
You know, I’m somewhat used to being misinterpreted. Or better put, it is no news when my actions are misread. Even with my easy smile, some read me as cold and hardhearted. Some others wonder what makes my smile stay or question why I wear one even when hurt or pain lingers. For others, they feel my smile is a deflection from the awkwardness I have come to own and wear so well.
An awkward smile is still a smile, at least in my books
Speaking of my books, some of them make me smile. Like when they speak of friends and friendships. If you know me you’d know those definitely rank high in my world and would always trigger a smile or even a tear. From the actions or inactions of friends in Bible narratives to everyday people in my spaces, friendship spreads not just cheer but many a smile. Sometimes this is between friends, at other times it is about friends.
Whichever, I smile. And this time it is not an awkward one but a heartfelt, flurry-feeling smile. The one that lights up the eyes and makes the ears twitch.
This is a smile I wear not once but multiple times a day when I think of, talk to, or talk about my friends.
You know I have loads of those, yes the smiles and the friends and I do not claim rights to their creation or existence. They are gifts I do not take for granted.
So tomorrow if you see me wear a smile, don’t be too quick to conclude what it says. Just look at me and return the smile and oh how much brighter our day would turn out.
There’s something about the smile I wear. And while I’m still figuring out what that is, still I smile. You should too!
