As an adult, I have lost two very close friends, Nemile and Ocheikwu. Two losses that hit me hard. Two friends I didn’t get to say goodbye to. Two memories of friendship that I will forever cherish.
At the start of this week, memories of them came rushing in then I stumbled on some emails exchanged a decade ago and older, and I smiled. Though I miss them, the memories those emails brought lifted my spirit and the smile that broke out on my face was a testament to that.
Yesterday I chose to mull over memorable events, days, and times with them and today I choose to pen down some memories about Ocheikwu.
I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t know Ocheikwu. He’s always been. We grew up in neighborhoods just divided by a main road and a stream, so visiting was just like taking a stroll. I always remembered being in the same class with him in elementary school, and boy did we have a lot of fights. If you ask me what they were about, I can’t for the life of me remember. We left for secondary school together ending up in the same secondary school, in the same class. We were less bickery at this stage, I guess growth had happened or there were more interesting happenings as pre-teens. Fast forward to Senior secondary, life happened, we were in different classes. In SS1 everyone did everything so we only separated into Arts and Science majors in our second year, he in Science and I in Arts. Ocheikwu was much quieter and solo running at this time. So I made it a point to hound him after school. As we walked to the road to get on buses going home, I would strike up a conversation, sometimes it meant me doing most of the talking but I did it anyway. I loved to see the smile even if between a few words after which we would go our separate directions. This is a memory I hold dear, why? Just because it was the beginning of a journey in showing up, one that he would take over and do excellently.
This was the end of our shared spaces, after Secondary school that is. We went on to different universities though in the same town. That meant we still got to see and talk from time to time. Even when we were disconnected, time, space and life, we reconnected like no time had passed, no guilting, no entitlements just sheer joy of friendship. Each communication, each conversation, was a delight.
Ocheikwu was great at checking up on people. Sometimes he asked about work, about dreams and definitely about one’s walk with God. He prayed with me, cheered me on concerning my dreams and other times asked deflating questions. Boy, did he make you think! He was a good mix of silly and serious, lively and had a great hearty laugh.
He showed up time after time and held great conversations. I remember post NYSC I visited and we talked and walked and then talked some more. It was a long walk, from Old GRA to Wurukum roundabout (Oceanic bank) cos I wanted to use the ATM though he didn’t need to. We were engrossed in the convo and didn’t even realize we had walked back to Mr Biggs roundabout and stood there talking some more. We covered about 6.9km in distance and only God knows how many words were spoken in that period :).
Ocheikwu was a great listener, I guess that’s what made his presence a present. He was a present friend. And I am grateful he was my friend.
In the recent years leading up to his passing last year March, he still was very present. Calling to just say hi, to share a biz idea, to say a prayer, to give an invite, to make a convincing speech for our secondary school alumni, to proclaim God’s goodness. He was about the whole works, faith, work, life and living. And even with his personal struggles in all of these areas, he still showed up for others in the same areas. From him, I learned very practically that, you do not have to have it all together to be present for a friend. Truth is, this isn’t just my story. It is the story and claim of many others. Last year, together with friends near and far, a virtual memorial service was organized. It was hard. It was beautiful. It was tear-filled. It was a blessed time. Ocheikwu was a blessing and his memory is blessed.
Today is not the anniversary of his death (March 16, 2021). Neither is it his birthday (September 30th). But I chose to celebrate the memory of his life. I chose to celebrate the blessing that was him.
How about you call that friend, that sibling whose thoughts sets your face aglow. How about you write that note saying how grateful you are for the life of your people, your squad, your crew. Make memories. And when they or you are no more, the loss will be a “memorable one.”
Ocheikwu was gifted, loved the Lord, and loved people. He was a friend I loved, and I told him that. I loved his melanin, I loved his smile and I definitely loved his laughter. And even though when on the phone he loved to start pleasantries in Idoma which I couldn’t sustain beyond a sentence or two, I loved it and I miss that. His was a “memorable loss!”
